A Letter To The Red States

Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel, Microsoft, and Apple. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Whatchamacallit - Hersheys Chocolate Bar | Commercial

Anybody remember this commerical? I used to LOVE it and I still love the song. Too bad I've never had one before.

Colin Powell - My New Hero

Colin Powell, the former Secretary of State and 4-Star General, today announced his endorsement of Senator Barack Obama for the President of the United States. His comments could not have been more eloquent. Please watch the video...

Twilight Preview

I cannot wait to see this movie. Bill got me hooked on it so now I'm listening to the book on tape. It looks AWESOME!

Simplified........

 

Funny Cartoon

The Kitchen Sink

You know, I've never really been one to say that I "hate" or very strongly "dislike" members of the Republican party but after hearing some of these things that have been said at some of the recent McCain/Palin rallys - I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I could not imagine in my wildest dreams hearing someone yell out "kill him" regarding John McCain at a Barak Obama rally. I just can't. And the fact that someone truly did say that during a Sarah Palin rally scares the hell out of me. See for yourself...

SNL Mocks the Biden/Palin Debate

Halloween Is Going to Suck This Year!

You know this is how you feel...

You can't honestly tell me you heard this response that Sarah Palin gave Katie Couric and didn't feel exactly the same way!